Rant – Giovanni García-Fenech

Down and out in Naptown

It was the last day of a conference in Indianapolis and I was starting to crack. Three days of breakfasting and lunching with strangers, cheerful collaboration during workshops, and shoptalk between sessions were getting to me (see the name of this website). That morning I unintentionally shut down the conversation at a table when I wasContinue reading “Down and out in Naptown”

Party talk

Against chopsticks

My friends were recently sharing instructions on how to eat sushi on Facebook. Well, I’m here to tell you that not only were they eating sushi wrong, if they follow those instructions they are STILL eating it wrong. Here’s the deal: You don’t need to use chopsticks. Ever. Not for Japanese food, not for Chinese food,Continue reading “Against chopsticks”

Phoning it in

I did it. On the eve of the iPhone’s seventh anniversary, I finally bought my first smartphone. That’s right, I’d been using a flip-phone all this time. I didn’t even have a calling plan, I had one of those pay-as-you-go things that my wife says only ex-cons use. It’s not that I’m a Luddite –Continue reading “Phoning it in”

Rules are rules

I’m meeting an old friend for dinner at Angelica Kitchen (yes, no possessive) and arrive early. I ask for a table for two, and the hostess tells me I have to wait for the rest of my party.

Unavoidable

As I’m sweeping the leaves in front of our house I see a mother and her toddler heading in my direction. The child is kicking through the piles of leaves in front of the other houses, but surely she’ll stop him when they get to me. The mother and I lock eyes as the kid kicksContinue reading “Unavoidable”

The diagnosis

Saturday morning I woke up feeling like I was getting sick. The Mayo Clinic lists a handful of symptoms for the common cold: congestion, sore throat, cough, slight body aches or a mild headache, sneezing, watery eyes, low-grade fever, and mild fatigue. Of those, I only had the aches and fatigue. Maybe the rest would show upContinue reading “The diagnosis”

Hater lover forever

I’m a pretty negative guy. A total hater. I hate so many types of people that I can’t name them all. They include spitters, lip-smackers, and mouth-breathers; high-fivers, back-slappers, and fake-punchers; Republicans, evangelicals, and frat boys; people who stand at escalators and moving sidewalks, and those who press the elevator button more than once; adults who mistreatContinue reading “Hater lover forever”

Hell is other people. At MoMA.

In a fit of optimism, Sabine and I got memberships to MoMA last December thinking that the repeated visits would pay for themselves. But just like other people with their gym memberships, we ended up only going once this year. When work let out early yesterday, I decided to visit the permanent collection and try to getContinue reading “Hell is other people. At MoMA.”

A report from the mortuary

I decided that I needed a new coat, and after not being able to find a suitable one at H&M or The Gap – I clearly am not very imaginative when it comes to shopping – my wife convinced me that we should take a look at Saks Fifth Avenue. This day was the coldestContinue reading “A report from the mortuary”